Uncustomary Hiccups

So the other day, I was hanging out with my aunt, in what I'm sure will become a trend for the rest of my days of summer. And we were doing or usual gossiping. I haven't seen her in a long time so we haven't talked in awhile. We were talking about our family and gossiping. Her sister, my other aunt, a lot of people say looks very similar to me. And we were talking about boyfriends etc etc. Guys in general and I was thinking they are pretty annoying neh?

Anyways....all this talk about boys got me thinking. And as I was pulling out of the parking lot chatting away with my aunt, I suddenly had this horrible thought....It totally freaked me out cause I actually thought it. I thought "I need to get a boyfriend, I'm getting old and I'm running out of time" ARHG!

It made me realized that I had totally been conditioned by the fact that when i was younger, older people would ask me all the time if I had a bf and I would be like Hell no, and they would be like well its ok, you are still young and have time. Well now I'm 21 and I'm legal in every sense possible...and I think I've run out of time. I'm old and my biological clock has stopped. Oh migod...I'm so insecure that I don't have a boyfriend. If I get a boyfriend I'll be young, beautiful, have lots of money, never need plastic surgery, lose weight without exersizing, and have lots of friends and fun. All cause I have a boyfriend. Yes let me go out and find one right now. And since my whole purpose is to procreate, and its best to do it at the peak of my life , 21 - 25 I best find one now so I can start popping kids out like they are pills.

AND that LADIES and GENTLEMEN is the reason that I'm so angry at society and its treatment of women. I hate how it trains us to think about the roles of men and womyn in relationships and life. I know that it should not be this way and I'm going to try my damnest not to, but even I've internalized it. It shows up in the littlest things, the littlest thoughts. My life is not spent to be some barbie doll on some idiot's arm, charming the guest and making sure that the sheets are 300 thread. My life will be spent for me, knocking down every asshole who stands in my way. And the first way to do it is to beat the bschool in the ass...arh I'm so angry now.

And now I need to make sure that I don't date, look sideways, etc etc for at least 3 years to make sure that I don't give into the thought ;b.

But even trying to strive and call for equality for women is hard, the line is hard to draw and where do you say enough is enough, or is where we stand even enough. I don't need guys to open the door for me and they should get more comfortable with me opening the door for them. But at the same time I kind of expect them to accompany women home when its late at night. Is that a contridiction. Part of me says yes. But a big part of me says no. Yes, in terms of brute strength guys are stronger, there's no denying that. Not only that, Women have to deal with so much more when walking down a dark street....do we have a keys prepared to strike at someone who attacks us, should we call a friend so someone knows what we are doing? Am I strong enough to push someone off me...for most girls, probably not. You know what...it doesn't necessarily have to be a guy who walks the girl back, it can be another girl. Thoughts swirl in my brain. Angry mostly.

So it has come to my attention that I'm predictable. Just look at the aim conversation below. I'm talking through slchang's sn and some how hugo just knew. Scary ain't it. And Stephen knew how I apologized to my brother. How do these people know these things? I always thought in HS that I was really independent and only relied on myself. I've come to realize that I do need people (unfortunatly). But I'm still hesitant about how close I get. Obviouslly I'm not really doing a good job about my exposure....if people find me this predictable. Ok need to put on mysterious mask of stephanie ;3 I always thought I was harder to understand. Guess I'm wrong...sigh, so much for being beo-ti-fuuuuul and mysterious ;3

9:21:39 PM thepiper71: what're you doing?
9:21:52 PM formosapie: locking my house down in case you show up
9:22:04 PM thepiper71: oh darn
9:22:13 PM thepiper71: I guess I won't go knife shopping tonight then
9:22:46 PM formosapie: good...I'm thinking of setting up some hugo specific bomb traps in the furure
9:22:51 PM formosapie: you step on them and you go kaboom
9:23:24 PM thepiper71: steph k is a piece of poo
9:23:51 PM formosapie: HAHAH how did you know!
9:24:00 PM thepiper71: cuz I'm watching you
9:24:08 PM formosapie: HELL NO YOU AREN"T!
9:24:14 PM thepiper71: how do you know?
9:24:27 PM formosapie: Cause I know for a fact that you aren't!
9:25:17 PM thepiper71: why?
9:25:19 PM thepiper71: I could be
9:25:21 PM thepiper71: and you just don't know it
9:26:01 PM formosapie: and that would just freak me out....you know what...instead of regular bombs they would be hug hugo bombs
9:26:11 PM formosapie: you step on them and someone would just pop up and give you a guh
9:26:27 PM thepiper71: yea sure uh huh
9:26:43 PM formosapie: *pop* *hug*
9:26:48 PM thepiper71: gross
9:26:56 PM thepiper71: I'm minimizing this window now
9:27:00 PM thepiper71: and not reading it anymore


And so much for not posting almost daily anymore. I'm trying to break this habit, but I thought it was such an interesting thought. ANd then I became angry so ;3