Uncustomary Hiccups

Pride
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Like the water slipping through your hands.
Never calm, never settled, never perfect, and always overflowing
I want to be held by you, protected by you, even as I slip away, down your arms, sliding across your skin,
And I hope you won't throw me away, even though I am, never calm, never settled, never perfect, and always overflowing,
Even when your irritation crashes over you like a diving wave,
Even when you can't get rid of the wetness, the dampness, the creases in my little pond.
Please don't toss me away,
because even though I am never calm, never settled, never perfect, and always overflowing,
I try, I try so hard to be calm, settle, perfect and not overflow from you hands,
I try, I try so hard to still my waters, leave no marks, and erase all the dark smudges that I always seem to leave behind no matter how hard I try,
I try, I try so hard to reflect back what you want to see, just so you won't throw me away.
I know I'm not what you want, what you hoped for, what you even planned for,
but don't throw me away, don't throw away my calm, my settleness, my perfection, or all those things that I lack.
Don't throw me away.

Reliance
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I lied when I said I could stand alone.
I lied when I opened my mouth.
I lied when I smiled for you.
And I lied when I tilted my eyes.

I lied because it's easier then telling the truth.
I lied because I never want to reveal my weakness.
I lied because I have my pride.
And I lied because I want to pretend, in some dark corner of my mind, that I can stand alone.

And I will.
I will stand alone.
I will pretend, move on, not look back, and find my own way.
I will because there is nothing left except me.


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Ok honestly. I was at this party this weekend and my friends where there, about 7 and 3 of them have significant others, and that's fine, but they brought them. And as I was sitting there trying ti figure out a stupid topic to speak about that everyone would want to talk about....I realized....why people find significant others. So that when they are at a party or a meeting or a place they never have to be alone, they never have to look uncomfertable. They always have some to turn to, talk to, laugh with. And as I was sitting there, my next thought was...maybe I should get one, you know like...something you pick up at the store. "Um yes, do you happen to have any blue significant others? my green one ran out." Oh yes I could see it now. Ug. So at that point I was like...either I could pine and find one or I could move on. I choose to move on. I will now state that I will never find a significant other, at the store or any where else just for the reason of having one. However, I can very much see the reason why it does occur the way it does. Oh the pressures.